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Re-Hash
ponchossweater
I have worked at wal-mart for two years now.. I had my evaluation last night...

Then I noticed I have come a long ways...

Three years ago... I was not who I am today...

Three years ago... wow.. Just wow... What happened?

Three years ago I had just started making a transition into music.. I was just starting to find bands I liked and just starting to learn more and more about indie music.. I remember when I found out that what I liked was called "Indie" and how weird that was.

I had just broken up with my first girlfriend and was deeply, deeply, deeply depressed.. I rarely ate anything and hated myself... I ended up finding someone else and falling in love..

I lived in Michigan three years ago... With Amanda, my girlfriend..

I went to my first coffee house, felt my first taste of freedom, and did many firsts with Amanda.

Back to Arkansas with her only to get my first job at a fast food place.. I weighed 220 when I started there and I remember that by the time I had left I gained 30 more pounds.

My mom left me and Amanda for a trucker for a while.. That was awkward times.. Mom wanted off the truck because it turned out he was crazy... Me and Amanda had very little money because I had quit my first job and started at a chicken plant.. Only to quit that later on..

Then when mom finally returned I scored a maintenance job at Wal-mart... I was the only person in the house working and I never saw a dime of my money...

I was always broke back then..  I remember a few times I would have to actually look hard to find change on the ground because I had no money on me. 25 cents and I could buy a small apple or thing of ramen noodles.

Then came the time I needed to buy new clothes and instead of XL I somehow squeezed into some medium shirts.. Then instead of 42's in pants I got 34's... Everyone just gave me this amazingly weird stare when I walked into the store wearing the new stuff.. I remember that as one weird night because of how self-conscious I am...

I moved out of my house with Amanda.. Pretty much decided we were going to get married..

Started making friends and becoming far more social... I went out with them often and it made Amanda very mad... I came home from work slightly late (A friend dropped me off) and she started beating me with a newspaper.. He laughed at me and from then on I was dubbed as "whipped".

Things got progressively worse. A friend was down on his luck and we invited him to live with us..

Mickey....

After a while I decided to shave my head.. So we did so.. He shaved it bald though...

My hair was down toward the mid of my back at least... So this was my first haircut...

Then people talked about Mickey and Amanda and I caught them sleeping together constantly.. Then I found out they were doing the things I heard and we broke up..

And so dawns more depression.. (Yay!)

Started a band with the Weasel man... "Baby driving a Camaro Through Hell with a Trunk full of Onions"

Couldn't play the guitar... But still had fun...

Made more and more friends.. Eventually got off the floor work and became a door greeter...

Then I decided I was not going to be depressed over something this stupid and started trying to help people..

I somehow became the guy that everyone opens up to... I can think of all of my friends and say something very intimate about them that no one else knows.. Or see a side of them no one else has... Then there was the one chick who just flat out opened up to me the first time we talked because I "Just felt like the kind of person you can open up to".

(This is probably one of the biggest crowning achievements in my entire life.. I am very proud of my standing with people and how I have been able to connect with people with ease..)

Made an amazing best friend.. And maybe went up to NC for a little to see them.... Maybe...

(The ONLY person to know just about everything about me.. From heart to head..)

Found a bit-O-faith... Walked into a meeting and sat down.. Listened, Enjoyed, and kept coming back...

Cut my hair again, got a suit, got a tie, got some shoes, got some books, learned some facts, made some MORE friends.. Like tons more... Read, read, read, read, read.... Study, study, study, study, study....

.....Then.....

I LEARNED HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR!!! ^.^ 

Took way to long...

Made a few random more friends...

Took a few people to the meetings..

Buying a sexy car.. (By the time I reread this I will laugh and think about how the sexy car broke down only a few months later and I ended up in just some little toy car.. Or maybe how the car got stolen.. Or maybe how I still have the car and its just not as sexy as it use to be...)

(Another note for myself: Xanga)

And I am far to busy in life these days to do much anything.. I am actually writing this on borrowed time.. I need to be asleep right now because I have to get up in about 4 hours... *Le sigh*

I have slowly gotten more and more comfortable about my prayers.. Especially before meals...

At first things were so awkward for me.. I would be near people and just have to go off somewhere and pray..

Now I can do it without thinking much about it.. Last nights had much more meaning than normal.. Which made me happy.

For the last month or so (A little over actually...) I have been raising my hand for comments...

First a tiny scared hand...

Then a scared one..

Then a semi-scared one...

Then just a hand..

Then one where I was like "OK its normal to do this.."

Then a hand in the air (higher than normal)

Then a hand thats actually just flippin' up...

Then a full on "OVER HERE" kind of hand.. The kind that are almost fully extended and totally reach over EVERYONES head...............

*sigh*

The best part is that this last one I did I finally got noticed... Jerry was calling on people and it was just a simple scripture read... He said "Brother arseno...." then glanced at me.. His eyes got big.. He gave me a "im so sorry" look... ^.^

Then after the meeting he told me he had no clue and felt bad and I just put my arm around the man... Took a sigh... And told him "Look, its OK.. But this next meeting we are going to get together and I am going to let you know 'Hey, I want to be called on for this here' mkay?"

: P

Yes, I hate taking help like that but I decided its going to be the only way I get called on!!!

Plus I am going to sit on the "good side" of the hall... (Chance told me my side is the one that fewer people comment from)

*nod*

OH and the final things I have done.. CONCERTS! Two of em... Great, both of them, great....

The only thing on my agenda is:
Make comment
Move up more in congregation
Move out of house (on my own)...(very soon... 6 months at the latest)
More concerts (bigger ones)
and
...........................................err.................................................

OK that might be it for now...

^.^

So yeah, that was me rehashing my life.. Three years... So many changes...

From fat hippie kid to a clean-cut acoustic playing nerd...

From Jewish-atheist to Witness-awesomeness (Like seriously awesomeness...)

From broke to sexy car

and from a social slug to a flippin' awesome social "pow, pow, pow" machine gun thingy...

..hey, this is my journal.... I get to write about anything I want to about myself...

This is me, I am finally getting more comfortable with myself and finally able to admit a lot of things to people..

I hope things keep going this way..

I really need to be in bed right now..

*Le sigh*

One of these days I will have an honest off day.. And when that day happens no one will see me... I don't even plan on bathing that day.. I will just be like a rock.. Not moving, just silent and semi-conscious... I need some kind of video game, a bag of cheeto's, and a 24 pack of drinkages.... MAN would that be nice... Oy, or a movie!!...

.....Yeah I am scheduling myself a day off here soon..... It sounds entirely to great right now.... *bounces with excitement*

I can see it now: I got through the checkout line... "Oh, your having some kind of massive party aren't you!?"... "No, just hanging out with myself"... "....im so sorry..."

*big nod*

To them it will be pathetic.. To me it will be gassy and awesome.... Mostly gassy....

Yeahhhhh....

Sleep time.

OH, OH, OH, OH!!!!

Final thing I HAVE to say...

Theory of a deadman and Nickleback sound EXACTLY A FREAKING LIKE AND BOTH SUCK....

.....I had an argument with someone last night.....

*Song plays*

Me- "Oh thats the only Nickleback song that doesn't totally suck"

Them- "Nickleback doesn't suck!!"

Me- "have you ever listened to them? Not just one song at a time but a flippin' CD?!?! ITS ALL THE SAME1"

Them- "Thats what I like.. Their sound never changes so you know its them"

Me- ".........That just proves they don't know anything different!!!!"

*Another song plays*

Me- "Man you like a lot of Nickleback..."

Them- "Thats theory of a Deadman........"

Me- "Man you like a lot of generic and boring rock music."

~Fin~


  • 1
that was, a very honest entry. it's crazy how far you've come. good for you :)

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